Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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