Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
