Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize