He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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