I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
In America we eat man semen.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize