I think I died a long time ago.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize