my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
