The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
