i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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