I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
