What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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