It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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