I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
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You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
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There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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