i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
