im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
