see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
