Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
