Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
