is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize