I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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