Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
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Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
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When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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