I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
a search helicopter?!
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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