my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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