I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
