My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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