Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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