Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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