I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?