He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It's never too late to be topless.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.