Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY