yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.