Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
