Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
the day after is always just damage control
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
