i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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