flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
