I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
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If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
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No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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