Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
