I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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