Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
