I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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