Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
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I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
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Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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