i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Found your dick twin last night
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
