the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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