If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
