Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
