WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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