yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
