I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
