Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
