ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
