I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
