his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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