She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
