Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Randomize
