So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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