i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's never too late to be topless.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize