Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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