so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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