let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
